Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
