nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
