party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
