She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
