Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
