I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
