God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
