DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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