The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I touched a dick in church today
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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