Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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