Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
