the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize