It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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