Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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