New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
