I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
