I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You are the jesus of drinking
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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