Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't turn off my feet"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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