That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
