I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize