Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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