Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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