I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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