Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
