god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
