Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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