Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
