3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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