yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
