I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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