This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
