Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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