some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
bring money and cleavage
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
