He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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