Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
