Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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