I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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