I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
