i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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