We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she looked like the before picture.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
