Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
