i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
