Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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