I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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