DIN'T JUSGE NE.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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