so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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