my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
