You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she told me i tasted like america
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
