I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
