I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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