I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
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He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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