Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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