"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You smell like stripper and shame
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
