my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
