I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
