I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
