I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
