I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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