I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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