i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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