it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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