U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
