I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
