I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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