Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
