The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
