I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
