from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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