I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
