In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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