Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
