I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
