I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
