I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
