based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
