i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
