this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's the barista slut.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
