I heard we made out
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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