She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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