Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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