i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
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So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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