Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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