I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
